the hush project.

I was just listening to “To Zanarkand” and my brain just had this stupid urge

to vomit

and vomit

and vomit.

So vomit I shall.







1.

4am, insomnia, dread, unsure, where to begin?

Whatever I’m doing feels like a dissonance waiting to be resolved

But tension, tension, He wants to watch me implode from the stress.

I’d rather explode.



”You, you, you, look at yourself as you take the blade and remove the strands of hair off your face, I wonder what your wishing for, pushing your hair down towards your face, you say you have a story to hide, but I’m sure your hiding your face because you have no story to tell. You miserable little…” He speaks, he speaks.



Ignore the voice, wear a smile. 



2.

Your head convinces you that you are okay

___deny

______deny

__________and deny




The bottle shatters upon a question.

i. .m .p .l .o .d e.



3.

I’m always smiling see



This is not a frown

Just turn your head upside down.



I’m never frowning when you think you’ve got a grip on me

I

am

subtle

when 

it 

comes

to

destruction.



This smile is living proof.

And I love how things go according to plan.



4. 



As much as I love you I…



















-

5.

…Or am I just asking stupid questions

Generic questions



That every other bleeding 20 year old 

Might have come up with



Can I argue that I have a place-

A place next to your place?



6.

I want to learn how to fake a suicide note.

And have the right end of my sentence droop down.

at the end

I don’t know how they write it

it’s an art.

it’s an art.

suicide, it’s like an explosion of emotion

isn’t it supposed to be tragic?



but beautiful tragedy keeps us moving, right?

fear, revelation, more revelations that don’t really mean a thing, 

they’re just words you

repeat

to yourself over

and over

and over again



and your conscience, like sticky notes

eventually fall off over time

but I like the sticky notes,

I doodle on them and cover up the old ones.



It’s a false sense of

smiles, sunshine and doodles.

But I make it work.